Proceed with caution.

You have been warned.

So, I’m grabbing ordering a light lunch snack at my favorite gourmet fast food joint – Mickey D’s. Hey, sometimes you just gotta have have chizburger and fries, don’t hate.

I digress.

So, I’m deeply engaged with the very large self-order kiosk, scrolling through endless menus of menus, avoiding suggestions of what else I really must have until I reach the penultimate page which suggests I “Grab a numbered table temple for my order..”. Picking up my ‘Temple’ I proceed to sit and contemplate the instruction to ‘Grab’ it. This has become ubiquitous, we are exhorted to ‘Grab’ everything from lunch, a coffee, a phone call or even a nap. Why..? What’s wrong with eating lunch, drinking a coffee, answering the phone or enjoying a nap..? Have our vocabularies become so minimal that doing just about anything is categorized as grabbing..?

The ultimate example for me was the other day when I went to see the cardiologist for my annual ‘proof of life’ visit. Apparently my healthcare provider had issued a new card with new numbers and it was out in my car. “Why don’t you just run out and grab it for me” said the receptionist. That gave me pause while I considered pointing out the obvious flaw in suggesting to an 80 year old man in a cardiologist office that he should run and grab anything, but I thought the irony might be lost. I wandered out, trying to remember where I had parked but there were only three cars in the lot so one was bound to be mine.

That leads me to another peeve, why does the nurse who collects you proceed down endless corridors at a fast trot that’s guaranteed to raise both pulse and BP, then connect you to a machine whose verdict prompts said nurse to comment “Hmm – BP’s a bit high today – are you sure you took your meds this morning..?” All this delivered in the slow, emphatic, loud voice reserved for the elderly.

Yes, I fucking did, and are you fucking surprised..?. However, I just smiled politely, resisting the temptation to grab her stethoscope and utter the words forming on my lips. Yes, I know you’re busy, I know old people are grouchy and deaf, I just don’t like to be reminded.

I need to grab a fucking nap.